Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
