i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
