just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
