his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
