Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
