Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
