Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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