Got a toothbrush?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
