I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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