I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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