i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She bit a glass in half.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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