Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
