My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize