I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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