So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We left the knife in your bed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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