The maid of honor just puked.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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