I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
