Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
