It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
