The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
