Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
