maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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