don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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