you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We had to coat check the pizza.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
