and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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