How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
