THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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