I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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