So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
