You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
