i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
