It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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