I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
