Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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