I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
