why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
