What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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