Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
