My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
