...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
