somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
