Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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