She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
