what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
