yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
