Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize