i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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