Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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