just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So many bounce houses so little time
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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