Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
