yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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