what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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