careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
