I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
