hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
two words...techno handjob
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize