I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
