I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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