She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
