you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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