At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
