no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
