Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My cat gives me a boner
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize