im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
