I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
