ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
