if i can run in heels then i can drive
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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