WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize