Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
