well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
