So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
