Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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