Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
