I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
