he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
