We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
