Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize