My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
