I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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