Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think my fart just growled at me.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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