Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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