It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
