If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
