Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
