Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
