I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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