There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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