Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
