i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
