I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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