I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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