Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize