It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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