Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize