i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
